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| A lone policeman stands guard in the empty stadium. |
The outcome of one of the New York Mets few wins last summer is being challenged by the Chicago Cubs. The game took place on the afternoon of August 17 in Shea Stadium, reportedly a 2 to 1 win for the Mets. The Cubs objection stems from the fact that although 8,157 tickets were sold, nobody actually showed up to see the game.
"If nobody saw the game," claims Cubs chairman of the board Andrew J. McKenna, "no game was played."
There were people at the game, of course. But league officials have so far been unable to identify anyone who didn't have an affiliation with one of the two clubs. "Everyone we interviewed was either a player, team official, stadium worker, or local reporter," investigator Myrna Phillips said. "Even league officials had better things to do."
It appeared for a moment that two impartial observers, Mr. Fred Podbunion and Mrs. Elma Winger, had witnessed the game. Upon further investigation, however, it turned out that Mr. Podunion had entered the stadium only to retrieve his dog Rusty, and Mrs. Winger had come to escape the noise of the No. 7 subway train that passes by her apartment. "It's always so nice and quiet in the stadium," Mrs. Winger commented.
Home run pelter Rusty Staub, hoping to offer some useful information, said he distinctly remembered a chant of "Rusty! Rusty!" coming from the stands in the seventh inning. It was later agreed, however, that this must have been Mr. Podbunion calling for his dog.
Whatever the final decision, there's at least one person who has lost all interest. Arnold Pung, a hot dog vendor at the stadium, said, "All I know is that business was so slow that day, I decided to sit down and watch the game. After it was over," he added. "I could see why it was nobody showed up."
The Gadzooks Gazette was a publication I sent out to friends, family, and clients from 1983 to 2004.
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