No Thanks

Actual quotes from rejection letters I've received over the years:

Ominous openings:
- We regret to inform you …
- We appreciate your interest …
- Due to current commitments …
- Please forgive this form letter …
- Dear writer …

The bottom line:
- It’s not right for us.
- Your work has not been chosen for publication.
- It is not a book we could take on at the present time.
- In the end, it wasn’t something we felt strongly enough about.

At least they’re paying attention:
- Thank you once again for submitting …

The diplomatic approach:
- I think it’s wonderful, but I don’t see how it would work in our hands.
- Our editorial board does not think we could do justice to your efforts.
- Though your ideas are very interesting, we feel we must pass on this.
- This is a delightful book that I don’t have a clue what to do with.

Deflection:
- I’m sure by now you’ve made a deal elsewhere.
- We encourage you to continue submitting this package to other companies.
- I have no doubt you’ll find someone else to publish it.

More direct:
- We just didn’t find it catchy enough.
- I’m afraid I did not see the material clearly.
- I just didn’t respond emotionally to this story.
- Your submission was not considered particularly humorous by our personnel.

How about something with mice?
- I really like the little mice, but we have had no success with rodents.