Representative Ross Nuckl, Democrat from Oklahoma, ended the speculation about a possible presidential run when he officially threw his hat into the ring last night. The hat, a red and white fedora, was reportedly caught by a bald-headed man in a dark green windbreaker who quickly disappeared into the crowd.
Nuckl campaign spokeswoman, Lydia Daily, asks that anyone with information as to the hat's whereabouts please contact her at Nuckl headquarters immediately.
Representative Nuckl has been a member of Congress for the past 16 years, the last five of those as chairman of the Public Service Commission. Before that, he spent six year in the Oklahoma State Legislature, four years as a judge on the Oklahoma Court of Appeals, and two years as a Amway distributor. Nuckl also likes dogs.
Despite that long public record, most people know very little about Ross Nuckl. Our correspondent, Rita Harry, caught up with Nuckl on the campaign trail in Texas to try and get a better idea of where he stands on the key issues facing this country.
Nuckl: Perhaps if you could be more specific.
Harry: Alright, let's start on the domestic side. There has been increasing concern in this and other parts of the country about unemployment. As president, what steps would you take to help the jobless?
Nuckl: My philosophy on that is very simple. I feel that everyone with less should get more. The jobless should get jobs, the homeless should get homes, and the helpless should get help. But let's not stop there. Let's get cares for the careless, lists for the listless, and tires for the tireless. Only then can we say we've done our job.
Harry: And yet federal funds aren't limitless.
Nuckl: When I'm done, even the limitless will have limits.
Harry: Let's move on. I'm sure you're aware of the large imbalance of trade, especially with Japan. What do you think needs to be done to reverse this situation?
Nuckl: The last thing we want to do is reverse the situation. On the contrary, I think we need to encourage this as much as possible. Let the Japanese send us their cars and compact disc players and TV sets. Because sooner of later they're going to run out of those things, and when they do, we've got them. Sure, they'll have all our money, but what do they do when they get up for breakfast and want a piece of toast? We've got all their toasters. And their juicers, coffeemakers, and frost-free refrigerators. And then who's got who?
Harry: Whom.
Nuckl: Them.
Harry: You were quoted last week as saying you could endorse covert military actions taken against foreign governments if it served our national interest. At the same time, you call for world peace. How do you reconcile these two seemingly contradictory views?
Nuckl: Well, I want world peace, but only for our country.
Harry: I see. One final question, Representative Nuckl. Before entering the race, you consistently trailed Dewey Needham in the preliminary polls by about 30 points. How do you plan on bridging that gap?
Nuckl: Good old hard work. I plan on going state to state, town to town, and street to street, taking my case to the farmers, housewives, and businessmen who make this country great. And I'll do it because I believe in those people — the kind of people who'll open their doors and look you straight in the eye when you ring their doorbells. I realize it won't be easy, but then I just said it wouldn't be. If it means shaking every hand and kissing every baby in this country, then I'll shake every hand and kiss every baby. Even if it means missing meals, going without sleep, and standing out in the cold and rain for hours, I'll find someone on my staff to do it, because what that effort will ultimately mean is having Ross Nuckl elected and sitting in the most powerful seat in the free world — President of the United States of America.
Harry: And then what will you do?
Nuckl: I don't know.
