3/3/16

Bike Race Questioned

From issue No. 5 of the Gadzooks Gazette • 2-Sided Edition • 1985

The first annual Löwenbräu Tour of Manhattan bicycle race took place yesterday in Central Park with over 82 competitors from over 11 countries pedaling over 99 miles to decide in what order they would finish.

Record crowds for an odd-numbered Tuesday morning were on hand for the event, and when the 83 competitors from 12 countries had completed the 100-mile course, it came as a surprise to everyone that a New York City patrolman, Jim Maloney, was claiming victory.

The strange development stemmed from the fact that although Maloney had crossed the finish line first, he'd done so on a police department motorcycle as an escort for the cyclists.

Immediate protests were filed, but to the dismay of race officials, it turned out that Officer Maloney had completed the course within the rules of the competition. As Race Director Sid Winston reluctantly pointed out, "Maloney was riding a cycle, the only word used in the race description, he had been legally present on the course, and he did complete the required 63 laps."

Race officials, embarrassed but helpless to do otherwise, awarded Maloney the first place victory cup, a traditional yellow jersey, and a six-pack of Löwenbräu beer. Maloney tried to speak as he took his place atop the winner's podium but was drowned out by loud jeering from the disgruntled cyclists. Scattered cheers from several policemen also assigned to the race only added to the mayhem.

Speaking later at a press conference, Winston said that several steps would be taken to prevent a similar situation from occurring in the future. "First, we are going to amend the rules to specifically exclude the use of motored vehicles," he said. "Second, the competition will be renamed a bicycle race, and third, we have been given assurances by the New York City Police Department that on the day of the race next year Officer Maloney will be assigned elsewhere."

The Gadzooks Gazette was a publication I sent out to friends, family, and clients from 1983 to 2004.

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